Staying Power

It is so incredibly easy to begin to lift out of our bodies and allow them to become automatons without our conscious awareness to steer and observe them. The body has to scream from muscles and organs and symptoms to capture our attention and often like a beaten dog it cringes in our accusatory response. It is essential for our first step to be the realization that it was our mind and our decisions that brought our body to this point, and it was our absence from our personal temple that created such a disconnect.
It is not always easy to get back in touch with the body, especially as a lifestyle choice instead of simply "checking in" from time to time. There are multiple obstacles to get through and over and crumble in the presence of before feeling comfortable in one's own skin. The most obvious to me is the Negative Mind.
The Negative Mind is defined in The Aquarian Teacher textbook for Kundalini Yoga instructors as follows: "The Negative Mind is given for survival. It is reactive, protective, and searches for potential danger. It is sensitive to pain, and it shields you from the forces that may disrupt or destroy." The Negative Mind can be used productively and is indeed crucial for our discernment in life. But. I believe that the Negative Mind often runs rampant inside of people, turning against the very person who keeps it alive when it grows bored or is allowed to have the drivers seat in life. This particular aspect of the mind gloms onto the Egoic part of ourselves that doesn't like change. These two can become good buddies and prevent the individual from escaping a horrible cycle of self-hatred, constant judgement and a strong sense of separation.
Here's the kicker: all that we can't deal with; all that we hold onto that isn't actually true but we are unwilling to let go of sinks down into our bodies as we slowly disintegrate out of our being and become talking heads. In my opinion the antidote to this horrifying phenomenon is to get back into the body and put it in the drivers seat of our lives. The body speaks the truth. It doesn't have an analytical mind that interprets pain and suffering, it simply calls for observation, awareness and care. The body speaks the truth because it exists in the present moment; the present moment is the only truth there is. No stories, no excuses and no fear the body "show's up and see's what happens." This is something the Negative Mind refuses to do.
Everyone has different ways of getting into their body; yoga, exercise, outdoor activities, martial arts, dancing, meditation and so on. There is no one way and there is no wrong way so long as it's serving the union of one's consciousness and the body. Personally, I meditate regularly and practice yoga routinely. I attend a weekly group exercise class which is fun and so I enjoy going. I stretch all the time, whether it's at the office or home or in line at the grocery store. Most importantly I listen to my body as a way of life. If it has a strain or discomfort I deal with it immediately. If it's asking for certain nutrition I deal with that too. I must also state here that when I "deal" with my body it is always with a positive, same-side mentality that I approach it; never blaming or angry I work as a partner to my body.
Beloved, sit somewhere quiet today for three minutes. Close your eyes and focus them just between the eyebrows so they're almost crossed but not quite. Breathe in through your nose deeply filling the belly slowly and then the ribs and finally the upper chest. Take a short pause before exhaling and reversing the order when emptying the thoracic cavity. Touch your first finger lightly to the tip of your thumb and allow your wrists to rest gently on your knees as you tune in. Once you've settled into this pattern, breathing in and out with intention, check in with your body and ask it how it's feeling. Then just listen. It's not always a language that comes back. It's not always words that fill your head, in fact it is rarely words that have answers. Just feel. What is it like in your skin? Now pay attention, beloved, this is important! DO NOT listen to the Negative Mind in this moment, even just for this moment. It will want to say all kinds of negative things, whether they be about you or this experiment, and your job is to simply observe it. DO NOT attach to the words, simply watch the river flow in front of you without trying to impede its path. Start here, start somewhere. Your body is waiting.

Same Team

There I was sitting in the podiatrists office waiting to have a nagging and disruptive wart removed from the underside of my pinkie toe. I wasn't nervous or frightened about the procedure, partly because I would be numb for the whole thing but also because it had been causing me so much agony that I simply couldn't wait to be rid of it no matter what the cost. By allowing it to get to the point that it had - that being a small iceberg upon which I stepped with every pace - it had taken over half of my little toe pad and bore down on the nerve. This had created a cascading effect up the right side of my body from the awkward way that I had to walk. It seemed as though all the issues in my body could be traced to this problem, and by god we were going to fix it here and now!
There were two small injections in the top of the toe to numb it up for surgery and the good doctor left the room to attend to another patient while it did so. I sat in consciousness with my toe going over the procedure in my head and directing that calming energy into the area that was rapidly dissolving into numbness. "We are getting rid of that wart that has been giving us such trouble. It won't hurt at all now and I'm going to watch the whole thing so we know exactly what happened. This is a good thing, we'll feel much better after this." Now, I realize that this seems a little out there. Here I am, talking to my toe and walking it through the steps of the surgery and recovery, and reassuring it that it will be better. Sure, it sounds a bit crazy, but my body and I are on the same team. When it is forcibly removed from the consciousness of an event like foot surgery I want some kind of record that it can access to know what happened when it comes to. That is why I insisted on watching the procedure, so that my body could understand. Think it's silly?
This is the same concept that I draw from when working with a motor vehicle accident client. One of the first questions I ask relevant cases is "did you see the accident coming?" If the answer is yes then there is a good chance the individual had a moment to tense up and resist the crash, which can cause more damage in some cases because the body tried to fight against a force that it can't overcome, but at least it has a record of the event. If the answer is no then the body might have been loose and had the opportunity to ride through the momentum of the crash. Unfortunately, in the latter situation the body doesn't have a recollection as to what happened and is most likely operating from a fear based position, wondering when another accident will hit. It can be nerve wracking walking around with our adrenal glands functioning that high all the time, anticipating another event to be scared of but not knowing when it will happen. By witnessing the accident the mind and body store the memory to learn from; therefore, they are less likely to be so reactionary to everything, perhaps only to a similar situation that mimics the original cause.
In either event, whether it be having a wart removed or getting into a car accident or the thousand and one things in between remember that you and your body are on the same team. When the mind is unconscious the body covers for it: it remembers to breathe and keep the heart beating, it engages muscles at precise timing to get you from point A to point B, it reminds you of your limits with indicators like pain, strain and weaknesses, and it holds onto the memories and stress that you don't want to deal with at the moment. When the body needs to be unconscious for surgeries and the like it's the minds turn to cover it. Be present with your body and honor the things it does so willingly for you, beloved, and it will carry you through every time.
Three days after surgery now, I have had almost no pain during recovery and I can feel my body getting ready to move forward like that little wart never slowed us down in the first place. It pays to be strange!

Referring to...

As a massage therapist I am constantly explaining that just because someone feels the pain in one area of their body doesn't mean that the pain is originating there. A chiropractor I once worked with would break it down like this: a ceiling light comes on in the middle of the room but it's coming from a switch on the wall. This is what pain can be like in the body. Yes, it can be confusing when a therapist is pressing into your gluteus after complaining that your lower back hurts, but there is a good reason for it. 

There are light switches all over the body called trigger points. They are infamous for collecting the trauma, inflammation and strain in our muscles and eventually when that all converts to pain they radiate out into the muscle, and at times into other muscles. There are a handful of muscles that are mysterious in their dealings often referring pain to seemingly random places and making it difficult to track down the root cause of the issue. In addition to this challenge these tricky muscles are rarely stretched and usually not worked on during general massage sessions. There are more muscles than the three I mention that share these characteristics but they are the most common areas I encounter in my practice so we will just start there.

Let's begin with the infraspinatus, the muscle that lays on top of the scapula or the shoulder blade. My client will come in complaining of tingly and/or numb sensations that run down the back of their arms and into the pinkie and ring fingers. It's usually worse at night and if it progresses the condition could turn into frozen shoulder. We'll refer to the infraspinatus as I.S., or izzy if we happen to be in a cute mood this evening. Izzy is difficult, if not impossible, to stretch on ones own and yet it gets tighter the more we utilize our arms out in the front of our body. Most people feel the ramifications of a too-tight I.S. radiating into the upper thoracic rib set, the cervical rib set, down the arm and into the hand. Translated that is referring to the upper mid-back and the base of the neck where it intercepts the top of the shoulder. I can't tell you how often I've had someone wanting me to work on their hand because it's been tingly and achy, and I throw them off entirely by working on the shoulder, base of the neck and pec muscles. Just like the light switch! 

The second popular choice in our line up is a slight antagonist to the infraspinatus, pectoralis minor. There is a major and although it plays a major part in the referral game it is nothing compared to what I've seen of pec minor. Pec minor moves the shoulder blade forward when we use it to push or pull something. Extended computer work or paperwork begins to exhaust the body forcing it into a lazy and therefore strained posture. One of the victims of a slouched form is pec minor who is trying to beat the odds and keep your arms up and moving. Think of it this way, the top of your shoulder to the tips of your extended fingers should be like a slide, sloping on a slight curve away from your raised sternum and underneath your chin which is delicately held parallel to the floor. The wrists should be resting in front of the keyboard or paperwork at waist level and the monitor of the computer should be just a hair under your eye level. When we slump because we have "hit the zone and just want to get through this" all of that energy the arms are spending is being generated by pec minor, and coincidentally, the infraspinatus. Additionally both create numb, tingly sensations down the arms and reduce range of motion. Similarly to the consequences of a tight infraspinatus pec minor produces numb and tingly sensations to occur most commonly down the arm and into the thumb and first two fingers. Left untreated it can progress into thoracic outlet syndrome. It is also common to feel both muscles agitation right in the shoulder joint itself, especially if one is a side sleeper. This occurrence comes about because both muscles attach at the shoulder joint and pull on it when they're tense. In my self-care I use tennis balls, Miracle Balls and self-massage to get into these areas since it can be a difficult treatment to take when done correctly.

Last one for the night, the psoas muscle! This is where the "dun dun dun" music chimes in and lightning and thunder crash through the window because anyone who has had their psoas worked on remembers for life. It is a deep strong muscle that originates on the spine in the front of the lower thoracic vertebrae, runs parallel with the spine on either side and attaches to the lower pubic bone on the inside of the hip joint. This muscle makes it so we don't simply fold in half and crack our head on the sidewalk; it keeps us erect. And I know you're all aware of the emphasis out there on core strengthening in exercise. Well here's the secret, you need to know the difference between when the abs are engaged and when the psoas is engaged, because it is always be one or the other thats working. Too many people do not know the difference between the two. The most common area of pain due to a spasmed psoas is the lower back. Ever had that pain that made it so you could either stand completely straight or have to be practically fetal but nothing in between would do? Psoas. Lower back ever been so bad you have to keep your knees bent when you're laying down? Psoas. Constant dull pain in the lower back that you can't stretch out and it seems to be bad when you first wake up but gets a little better as the day goes on? Psoas. When the psoas tightens it pulls the spine together and creates compression. When it's that tight inflammation isn't far behind creating radiating pain down the legs and across the lower back. I would venture a guess and say that 80% of the lower back pain cases we see in the clinic are caused by the psoas muscle. And we have found the most effective way of releasing this muscle to allow it some rest is to work on it through the stomach. What i mean is we manipulate the muscle as we would do any other but we have to work around the layers of organs and tissue that makes it a less than comfortable process. This should not be preformed by anyone without a valid degree and license to do so, such as a chiropractor or massage therapist. It isn't the most pleasant experience but it is very effective. Educating oneself on stretching the psoas and how to recognize the difference between using the abs and using the psoas in exercise, lifting or in daily routines is highly recommended if you want to avoid that embarrassing moment when you mysteriously throw out your back reaching for a pencil one day. 

Well, I think that's enough stodgy information to process for one sitting. My point, beloved, is to be open to another possibility. Perhaps the pain in your wrists is coming from your shoulder which is coming from your persistence at work which is coming from... Possibly your body just wants one on one time with its provider. Is that really so bad?

Self-Care During Self-Doubt

The average person who does the average amount of physical exercise usually has regular self-care routines such as Epsom salt baths, sauna and steam room visits, stretching, nutritional supplements and so on. When we are doing well and life is smooth this routine fits in nicely with our daily work and personal time. When we are not doing well, when we are shuffling fears and self-limiting behaviors from our conscious mind to our bodies or driving our body into the ground without giving anything back to it, we find it harder and harder to take care of ourselves. So, what's that about?!

I can only speak for myself, and when I'm listening I can also speak for my body. These days my shoulders have been calling for my attention, my right one in particular. Its swollen and throbbing disposition was not the first indication that something had been ruminating; in fact, in the perfection of hindsight I can see the little flags along the way waving their SOS's. As unrelated as it may seem I believe it all started last year during my Zumba classes. My right knee began aching a day or two after class, showing signs of instability in the joint. On an energetic level the knees represent our willingness to be flexible in moving forward in life. That was during my journey of preparing to leave for Africa. In January of this year I developed a wart on the inside of my right pinkie toe which began to hinder the way I was walking. Coincidentally, the pinkie toes are the reflexology points for the shoulders. I put off doing anything about it not realizing how much it can grow in a short period of time and it now has a lot of my attention as I work with a naturopath on getting rid of it. And finally I severely lagged on my self care while I was out of the country and didn't pick it back up when I came back, therefore asking for more and more from my body without giving anything back to it. When my body becomes angry with me because I am not listening its most common reaction is to become inflamed. A systemic low level inflammatory environment will rush to the surface those issues I am predisposed to, and I believe this is true of most people. Since my shoulders are naturally weak they are typically the first to protest, therefore they are the most effective way for my body to get my attention if I have been ignoring it. In response I am negotiating with my body as to how much longer it will allow me to continue this line of work, what amount of self-care is needed to sustain it and begin to look at the end game of this career. Basically my interpretation comes down to the fact that my spirit is calling for something new and my body is representing the fear I have in making such choices. 

Coming back around to our question, why is it harder to take care of ourselves when life seems to be against us? Simple: why dig up answers to questions that you don't want asked in the first place? We want to be told we are always on the right track, that we've been doing the right things and that what is happening to us is an outside betrayal of some kind. We separate from our body, making it the enemy, and planting ourselves firmly in resolute indignation we lose our sense of personal responsibility, which is our biggest advantage in self-healing. I believe that we've become accustomed to throwing our hands up and accepting the pain as opposed to accepting that we create our own reality. That which comes to us is what we've called to us. Next question: why? That's all you, beloved.               

The Relationship of a Lifetime

To many people the most important relationships they have are with their spouses, children, lovers, parents or the like, and that's understandable. To me the most important relationship is the one I have with my body because often my attitude with others begins where that relationship leaves off. For all intents and purposes the way I treat my body and handle my health is a good representation of how I engage with the people in my life. Our bodies are the soldiers to our minds will - unless we consciously put our body in the drivers seat of our lives. That's what I attempt to do and I'll tell you what that looks like.

Over the years I have worked on hearing the voice of my body. It all started with responding to it as soon as I felt it asking for attention. The big issues were all I felt in the beginning; ribs out, strains, injuries and tendinitis were big red spinning alarms. There was a time when the issues might have caused a rift between my body and my mind. I see this in my clients on a regular basis and although I understand where they're coming from, it is detrimental to rehab and recovery to make an enemy out of your body. "Just cut the arm off" or "Just give me a new rib" are common statements I've heard and it makes me cringe knowing that their body is receiving that information in its own way as well. I am on the same team as my body, indeed I am the leader of the light brigade, my body charging forward into reckless abandon at the rate and velocity at which I send it. As any good leader is aware you must know the needs of the people you lead in order to lead them well and this is no different. As I tended to the needs of my body on a more frequent basis and changed my perspective to a same-side mentality the voice became easier to hear. Instead of my body having to scream at me it could talk or even whisper and I'd be right there with it. Now, this ability does mirror conscious awareness in a way. In Yogic philosophy there is a disturbance in the force - or our magnetic field - three days before showing up in our bodies. At times that whisper is the body warning me that something is hovering. Other times it could be my hyper awareness of that rib that just slipped out, that left untreated could potentially cause serious pain down the line but I can head it off at the pass. The messages are infinite and valuable.

Here's a suggestion on beginning this process of forming a relationship with your body: imagine your body as its own entity. In fact, imagine it as your child. It comes to you for guidance and instruction, and it requires compassion and support to succeed. When a child is taught that no one listens when they speak they will find other ways to communicate; perhaps it's acting out or becoming angry or even shutting down entirely. This is our body. Approach it with care, compassion and commitment and it will respond with service, devotion and protection. The body is an amazing being, beloved. Truly, it houses more than we know.

Listen to the Feeling

There was a spell of dizziness going around this week. Patients and staff and friends in surprising numbers found themselves to be experiencing some mild vertigo, lightheaded ness and sinus issues. Although allergies get worse with the turning years and we all know as we get older our systems develop sensitivities that they might not have had when they were young, I think there's something else "in the air". 

We do see cycles come through the office. One day most of our clients will be coming in with hip trouble and the next it will be the neck. There is no logical and boring reason why this might occur but I have a theory. I am a woo-y person and I like the magical moments in life just as much as I love the science that can at times reason an event into a beaker or test tube. With patterns like what we see in the office I can only suspect that there is an "energy" going around that people are subconsciously picking up on and it shows up in their bodies. A good example of this phenomena occurs in late January when most people are getting the Visa bill from Christmas time. We are wrought with patients complaining of lower back pain and it's generally local to the low back instead of the typical sciatic symptoms we see associated with this condition. This area of the body has been known to harbor financial woes. Concerns about income and debt happily rest just above the sacrum in the lumbar spine, which coincidentally hover over support and security which reside in the hips of an individual. There are other seasonal patterns that seem to mimick the usual concerns we carry throughout the year. And then there are the more personal patterns specific to the individual and what's going on in their lives.

I have a patient, we'll call her Rose, who does not like her living arrangement. After years of compromising her own comfort for economy sake her body is becoming more than she can deal with. Here is how I assessed the progression of her condition: six months after she and her partner moved into their current location Rose began to have pain in her back. It started as lower back pain, and as I mentioned that is commonly related to finances. It progressed over time to the whole back and began to lock up the upper ribs. The ribs in particular were telling considering they were the ones protecting the heart. Getting my fingers in between them to open them up was nearly impossible. This past winter she and her partner discussed moving in which he vetoed the idea. Shortly after the conversation Rose began feeling worse and the pain spread to the neck and the left shoulder. In constant pain and unable to sit anywhere but her car she has become hopeless that this condition will ever let up. Desperate for answers she asked me what she could possibly be doing to cause all of this agony. I repeated back to her the last three years of her life and explained that the body will take on that which we are unable or unaware of handling consciously. Her body is speaking her pain loud and clear to me. Financial worry in the lower back running up our foundation in life (the spine), closing the heart out of protection, cramping up and choking the truth she feels in the neck and debilitating her feminine strength as represented in the left shoulder. I said simply it's time to move, I would be very interested to see what happens when you can come home to a place you feel safe and happy about. We will see but she was better the next time we worked together.

It's easy to keep the body and the mind, not the mention the emotions and our personal spiritualities separate from each other, believing that one has absolutely nothing to do with the others. In reality most people believe it all starts on the physical level; my leg started hurting and then I became irritated and it got worse and so on. In my reality most things start on a spiritual emotional level and when we refuse to deal with it or deal with it poorly it drops down into the body and an imprint waits to be discovered. It's the bodies way of communicating what the mind is hanging on to but isn't forthright about. And it's worth listening to because the majority of our intuition resides in the body.

So, beloved, when there is discomfort, pain, sharpness, achiness and so on and so on, listen to your body and pay attention to your own patterns. You have all the answers, you just need to learn the language. 

Everybody Has a Voice

When I was eight years old I remember feeling drawn to Africa. I knew I wanted to go there one day and no one knew where that desire started in me. The summer of 1999 I traveled with a student ambassador program to South Africa and got my first breath of African air. I distinctly remember feeling the African soil underneath me, cool and soft through my soles, and through my soul. It was then that I decided to travel to Africa as often as possible and fantasized about living part of the year somewhere on that beautiful continent. 

This may seem like an odd start to a blog dedicated to sharing my personal knowledge and wisdom of the voice of the body and how it communicates but it is all connected after all. You see, when I entered massage school ten years ago I did it on a whim; a notion thrown out by my then chiropractor, which seems to wrap itself up nicely in this little plot of my life considering that I now work for a chiropractor. There have been many times in my life when a path becomes evident to me but only the first few steps and I throw myself into it every time. In March of this year, after ten years as a licensed massage therapist and the month of my thirtieth birthday I made my way back to Africa by way of Zanzibar Tanzania as a volunteer massage therapist in a chiropractic clinic. 

This career has served me on levels that I couldn't possibly go into depth about and many that I am sure I take for granted at times. And slowly but surely it is transitioning with my natural evolution. I thought it might be about time to start letting the knowledge and experience I've gained with regards to insight into our bodies out where it is most easily accessible... the Internet! 

NONE of my posts should be considered medical advice so please be responsible with the information given here. I am not a doctor. I do not diagnose. This is observation, speculation and opinion based from my personal experience. I will adhere to HIPPA compliance regulation by fictionalizing patient names and disclude identifying details when using examples. In addition I am not a counsellor; although I'd make a damn good one!

My voice is soft in my mind. So soft it seems like an echo from my heart. It is simplistic, non-resistant. The first time it raises up its just a mere whisper, an idea really. It's always happy, well, at peace, yes, she's always at peace. She is quiet most of the time, leading through other subtle gestures; it's like being gently led by the direction of the wind. And when she speaks she says as little as is needed, "but, what if you could?" and "let go". Many years ago she said "write". I figured journalling was what that message meant and so I wrote in my plentiful journals. Notebooks of all kinds and casings with the first ten pages smeared with ambition, and then the bleak white out of fizzled plans. I wrote short stories and haikus, even tried rapid spoken word poetry like Andrea Gibson and the like. I felt sparks along the way but it didn't burn with the passion I need to pursue something. I took on my first blog when I left for Zanzibar to keep up friends and family who wanted to share in the adventure. (serviceinparadiseznz.blogspot.com) Those sparks turned to fire that grew inside of me and it burned a path for me to follow, one that excites me to follow. And so here we are again, and we'll see how it goes, beloved. We'll get to the body next time, I just wanted to say hello.