Self-Care During Self-Doubt

The average person who does the average amount of physical exercise usually has regular self-care routines such as Epsom salt baths, sauna and steam room visits, stretching, nutritional supplements and so on. When we are doing well and life is smooth this routine fits in nicely with our daily work and personal time. When we are not doing well, when we are shuffling fears and self-limiting behaviors from our conscious mind to our bodies or driving our body into the ground without giving anything back to it, we find it harder and harder to take care of ourselves. So, what's that about?!

I can only speak for myself, and when I'm listening I can also speak for my body. These days my shoulders have been calling for my attention, my right one in particular. Its swollen and throbbing disposition was not the first indication that something had been ruminating; in fact, in the perfection of hindsight I can see the little flags along the way waving their SOS's. As unrelated as it may seem I believe it all started last year during my Zumba classes. My right knee began aching a day or two after class, showing signs of instability in the joint. On an energetic level the knees represent our willingness to be flexible in moving forward in life. That was during my journey of preparing to leave for Africa. In January of this year I developed a wart on the inside of my right pinkie toe which began to hinder the way I was walking. Coincidentally, the pinkie toes are the reflexology points for the shoulders. I put off doing anything about it not realizing how much it can grow in a short period of time and it now has a lot of my attention as I work with a naturopath on getting rid of it. And finally I severely lagged on my self care while I was out of the country and didn't pick it back up when I came back, therefore asking for more and more from my body without giving anything back to it. When my body becomes angry with me because I am not listening its most common reaction is to become inflamed. A systemic low level inflammatory environment will rush to the surface those issues I am predisposed to, and I believe this is true of most people. Since my shoulders are naturally weak they are typically the first to protest, therefore they are the most effective way for my body to get my attention if I have been ignoring it. In response I am negotiating with my body as to how much longer it will allow me to continue this line of work, what amount of self-care is needed to sustain it and begin to look at the end game of this career. Basically my interpretation comes down to the fact that my spirit is calling for something new and my body is representing the fear I have in making such choices. 

Coming back around to our question, why is it harder to take care of ourselves when life seems to be against us? Simple: why dig up answers to questions that you don't want asked in the first place? We want to be told we are always on the right track, that we've been doing the right things and that what is happening to us is an outside betrayal of some kind. We separate from our body, making it the enemy, and planting ourselves firmly in resolute indignation we lose our sense of personal responsibility, which is our biggest advantage in self-healing. I believe that we've become accustomed to throwing our hands up and accepting the pain as opposed to accepting that we create our own reality. That which comes to us is what we've called to us. Next question: why? That's all you, beloved.               

The Relationship of a Lifetime

To many people the most important relationships they have are with their spouses, children, lovers, parents or the like, and that's understandable. To me the most important relationship is the one I have with my body because often my attitude with others begins where that relationship leaves off. For all intents and purposes the way I treat my body and handle my health is a good representation of how I engage with the people in my life. Our bodies are the soldiers to our minds will - unless we consciously put our body in the drivers seat of our lives. That's what I attempt to do and I'll tell you what that looks like.

Over the years I have worked on hearing the voice of my body. It all started with responding to it as soon as I felt it asking for attention. The big issues were all I felt in the beginning; ribs out, strains, injuries and tendinitis were big red spinning alarms. There was a time when the issues might have caused a rift between my body and my mind. I see this in my clients on a regular basis and although I understand where they're coming from, it is detrimental to rehab and recovery to make an enemy out of your body. "Just cut the arm off" or "Just give me a new rib" are common statements I've heard and it makes me cringe knowing that their body is receiving that information in its own way as well. I am on the same team as my body, indeed I am the leader of the light brigade, my body charging forward into reckless abandon at the rate and velocity at which I send it. As any good leader is aware you must know the needs of the people you lead in order to lead them well and this is no different. As I tended to the needs of my body on a more frequent basis and changed my perspective to a same-side mentality the voice became easier to hear. Instead of my body having to scream at me it could talk or even whisper and I'd be right there with it. Now, this ability does mirror conscious awareness in a way. In Yogic philosophy there is a disturbance in the force - or our magnetic field - three days before showing up in our bodies. At times that whisper is the body warning me that something is hovering. Other times it could be my hyper awareness of that rib that just slipped out, that left untreated could potentially cause serious pain down the line but I can head it off at the pass. The messages are infinite and valuable.

Here's a suggestion on beginning this process of forming a relationship with your body: imagine your body as its own entity. In fact, imagine it as your child. It comes to you for guidance and instruction, and it requires compassion and support to succeed. When a child is taught that no one listens when they speak they will find other ways to communicate; perhaps it's acting out or becoming angry or even shutting down entirely. This is our body. Approach it with care, compassion and commitment and it will respond with service, devotion and protection. The body is an amazing being, beloved. Truly, it houses more than we know.

Listen to the Feeling

There was a spell of dizziness going around this week. Patients and staff and friends in surprising numbers found themselves to be experiencing some mild vertigo, lightheaded ness and sinus issues. Although allergies get worse with the turning years and we all know as we get older our systems develop sensitivities that they might not have had when they were young, I think there's something else "in the air". 

We do see cycles come through the office. One day most of our clients will be coming in with hip trouble and the next it will be the neck. There is no logical and boring reason why this might occur but I have a theory. I am a woo-y person and I like the magical moments in life just as much as I love the science that can at times reason an event into a beaker or test tube. With patterns like what we see in the office I can only suspect that there is an "energy" going around that people are subconsciously picking up on and it shows up in their bodies. A good example of this phenomena occurs in late January when most people are getting the Visa bill from Christmas time. We are wrought with patients complaining of lower back pain and it's generally local to the low back instead of the typical sciatic symptoms we see associated with this condition. This area of the body has been known to harbor financial woes. Concerns about income and debt happily rest just above the sacrum in the lumbar spine, which coincidentally hover over support and security which reside in the hips of an individual. There are other seasonal patterns that seem to mimick the usual concerns we carry throughout the year. And then there are the more personal patterns specific to the individual and what's going on in their lives.

I have a patient, we'll call her Rose, who does not like her living arrangement. After years of compromising her own comfort for economy sake her body is becoming more than she can deal with. Here is how I assessed the progression of her condition: six months after she and her partner moved into their current location Rose began to have pain in her back. It started as lower back pain, and as I mentioned that is commonly related to finances. It progressed over time to the whole back and began to lock up the upper ribs. The ribs in particular were telling considering they were the ones protecting the heart. Getting my fingers in between them to open them up was nearly impossible. This past winter she and her partner discussed moving in which he vetoed the idea. Shortly after the conversation Rose began feeling worse and the pain spread to the neck and the left shoulder. In constant pain and unable to sit anywhere but her car she has become hopeless that this condition will ever let up. Desperate for answers she asked me what she could possibly be doing to cause all of this agony. I repeated back to her the last three years of her life and explained that the body will take on that which we are unable or unaware of handling consciously. Her body is speaking her pain loud and clear to me. Financial worry in the lower back running up our foundation in life (the spine), closing the heart out of protection, cramping up and choking the truth she feels in the neck and debilitating her feminine strength as represented in the left shoulder. I said simply it's time to move, I would be very interested to see what happens when you can come home to a place you feel safe and happy about. We will see but she was better the next time we worked together.

It's easy to keep the body and the mind, not the mention the emotions and our personal spiritualities separate from each other, believing that one has absolutely nothing to do with the others. In reality most people believe it all starts on the physical level; my leg started hurting and then I became irritated and it got worse and so on. In my reality most things start on a spiritual emotional level and when we refuse to deal with it or deal with it poorly it drops down into the body and an imprint waits to be discovered. It's the bodies way of communicating what the mind is hanging on to but isn't forthright about. And it's worth listening to because the majority of our intuition resides in the body.

So, beloved, when there is discomfort, pain, sharpness, achiness and so on and so on, listen to your body and pay attention to your own patterns. You have all the answers, you just need to learn the language. 

Everybody Has a Voice

When I was eight years old I remember feeling drawn to Africa. I knew I wanted to go there one day and no one knew where that desire started in me. The summer of 1999 I traveled with a student ambassador program to South Africa and got my first breath of African air. I distinctly remember feeling the African soil underneath me, cool and soft through my soles, and through my soul. It was then that I decided to travel to Africa as often as possible and fantasized about living part of the year somewhere on that beautiful continent. 

This may seem like an odd start to a blog dedicated to sharing my personal knowledge and wisdom of the voice of the body and how it communicates but it is all connected after all. You see, when I entered massage school ten years ago I did it on a whim; a notion thrown out by my then chiropractor, which seems to wrap itself up nicely in this little plot of my life considering that I now work for a chiropractor. There have been many times in my life when a path becomes evident to me but only the first few steps and I throw myself into it every time. In March of this year, after ten years as a licensed massage therapist and the month of my thirtieth birthday I made my way back to Africa by way of Zanzibar Tanzania as a volunteer massage therapist in a chiropractic clinic. 

This career has served me on levels that I couldn't possibly go into depth about and many that I am sure I take for granted at times. And slowly but surely it is transitioning with my natural evolution. I thought it might be about time to start letting the knowledge and experience I've gained with regards to insight into our bodies out where it is most easily accessible... the Internet! 

NONE of my posts should be considered medical advice so please be responsible with the information given here. I am not a doctor. I do not diagnose. This is observation, speculation and opinion based from my personal experience. I will adhere to HIPPA compliance regulation by fictionalizing patient names and disclude identifying details when using examples. In addition I am not a counsellor; although I'd make a damn good one!

My voice is soft in my mind. So soft it seems like an echo from my heart. It is simplistic, non-resistant. The first time it raises up its just a mere whisper, an idea really. It's always happy, well, at peace, yes, she's always at peace. She is quiet most of the time, leading through other subtle gestures; it's like being gently led by the direction of the wind. And when she speaks she says as little as is needed, "but, what if you could?" and "let go". Many years ago she said "write". I figured journalling was what that message meant and so I wrote in my plentiful journals. Notebooks of all kinds and casings with the first ten pages smeared with ambition, and then the bleak white out of fizzled plans. I wrote short stories and haikus, even tried rapid spoken word poetry like Andrea Gibson and the like. I felt sparks along the way but it didn't burn with the passion I need to pursue something. I took on my first blog when I left for Zanzibar to keep up friends and family who wanted to share in the adventure. (serviceinparadiseznz.blogspot.com) Those sparks turned to fire that grew inside of me and it burned a path for me to follow, one that excites me to follow. And so here we are again, and we'll see how it goes, beloved. We'll get to the body next time, I just wanted to say hello.