Self-Care During Self-Doubt

The average person who does the average amount of physical exercise usually has regular self-care routines such as Epsom salt baths, sauna and steam room visits, stretching, nutritional supplements and so on. When we are doing well and life is smooth this routine fits in nicely with our daily work and personal time. When we are not doing well, when we are shuffling fears and self-limiting behaviors from our conscious mind to our bodies or driving our body into the ground without giving anything back to it, we find it harder and harder to take care of ourselves. So, what's that about?!

I can only speak for myself, and when I'm listening I can also speak for my body. These days my shoulders have been calling for my attention, my right one in particular. Its swollen and throbbing disposition was not the first indication that something had been ruminating; in fact, in the perfection of hindsight I can see the little flags along the way waving their SOS's. As unrelated as it may seem I believe it all started last year during my Zumba classes. My right knee began aching a day or two after class, showing signs of instability in the joint. On an energetic level the knees represent our willingness to be flexible in moving forward in life. That was during my journey of preparing to leave for Africa. In January of this year I developed a wart on the inside of my right pinkie toe which began to hinder the way I was walking. Coincidentally, the pinkie toes are the reflexology points for the shoulders. I put off doing anything about it not realizing how much it can grow in a short period of time and it now has a lot of my attention as I work with a naturopath on getting rid of it. And finally I severely lagged on my self care while I was out of the country and didn't pick it back up when I came back, therefore asking for more and more from my body without giving anything back to it. When my body becomes angry with me because I am not listening its most common reaction is to become inflamed. A systemic low level inflammatory environment will rush to the surface those issues I am predisposed to, and I believe this is true of most people. Since my shoulders are naturally weak they are typically the first to protest, therefore they are the most effective way for my body to get my attention if I have been ignoring it. In response I am negotiating with my body as to how much longer it will allow me to continue this line of work, what amount of self-care is needed to sustain it and begin to look at the end game of this career. Basically my interpretation comes down to the fact that my spirit is calling for something new and my body is representing the fear I have in making such choices. 

Coming back around to our question, why is it harder to take care of ourselves when life seems to be against us? Simple: why dig up answers to questions that you don't want asked in the first place? We want to be told we are always on the right track, that we've been doing the right things and that what is happening to us is an outside betrayal of some kind. We separate from our body, making it the enemy, and planting ourselves firmly in resolute indignation we lose our sense of personal responsibility, which is our biggest advantage in self-healing. I believe that we've become accustomed to throwing our hands up and accepting the pain as opposed to accepting that we create our own reality. That which comes to us is what we've called to us. Next question: why? That's all you, beloved.